birthday

I am 29 today.

Here's a list of beautiful experiences welcoming me into this year.

On Saturday I woke up at three am to the moon through two door ways landing on my eyes. In a couple minutes she’d set. An egg I used in brownies had two yolks.

On Sunday I stumbled onto a river baptism.

On Monday the tiniest lady bug visited me in the tub.

Saw the most dense fog I've ever seen in town on Tuesday. Spent my morning in a cloud.

Wednesday was a blur of a day, I was recovering from a dream where I married someone in a hallway. And then laid in bed with a mixing bowl pressed to my stomach, begging to get pregnant by him. Being goofy, look how cute I will be. Pressed a bed pan onto my stomach. Less cute, desperate.

I spent yesterday reflecting on 28 and I cut my hair.

Today filled up with phones calls with my family and making my incoming nephew a mobile. I called into work. Burnt my supper and fucked up my frosting for my cupcakes. Ordered in and will try the frosting again in an hour, just for the wish and dedication. I spoke with my mom for three hours about faith, about a homily she has heard while back home. About her favorite hymns, the Lord is my shepherd and eagles wings. Her heaven is shared song, around a campfire or in a church. I love this about her. I smoked with my sister over the phone during her lunch.

My parents got me a mortar and pestle, dark granite and six inches across and a recipe binder with tomatoes on the cover. We FaceTime as I opened it, my dad in his glasses.

Tomorrow I'm gonna create my vision board and go for an excessively long walk. See an old friend for lunch. Rearrange my bedroom maybe.

I wonder what the next year will be like. How I will respond. I keep hearing bells and calls, like an elk bugel in the middle of my town. I am quiet and listen. I cry and laugh and kiss and smoke (weed) and drink (water) my way through the days.

I spent the first couple of months of 28 in political/morality psychosis. Then something was lost and I leapt into the unknown. I put myself out of my comfort zone over and over again in most areas of life. .

Still feeling a bit leashed around romantic love, I wonder I wonder what is ahead of me here. Will I let someone see me in my day to day life again? Where would my cat sleep?

I'm open to new experiences and I learn lessons easily and softly. I give myself permission to change.

The sun set at 6:48 as I'm writing this.

My family, we’re all healthy. Thank God.

I love birthdays. I'm always manic and sad. An oversaturated version of me.